Where are you...

I have a family, in fact I have a few family's and they love me but none of them are my birth family. I have an adoptive family, and 2 foster family's, yes I know they love me very much and I love them too but it's still not the same as having your birth family. When I look at most of my friends, I see how alike they and their parents are, but I don't have that. I see how they have many things in common, they like the same things, they hate the same things and they look similar; but I don't have that. If ever I have anything in common with either my adoptive family or my foster families, no matter how much I love them all, I always get that nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that says " you don't have these things in common because its genetic, its just a coincidence." I wish I could have things in common with a mother, father, brother or sister, things that aren't just a coincidence, things that are genetic, hopefully some day I will find her and that gaping hole in my heart with go away, but until that happens, even if it never happens, I still love all my other families...

and now its all out in the open...

It will never be the same, I know you don't believe me or won't even listen cuz I know you won't take my side but it wasn't my fault, I'm not placing the blame on anyone, but I couldn't stay there. If I did I would have ended up seriously hurting myself, like I tried on many occasions due to the stress and hurt put on me by my living situations. It was best for everyone but I guess you will never really see it that way but rather as a betrayal. I really don't appreciate all of you ganging up on me, but unfortunately there's very little that i can do...

STARTING TO FEEL BETTER...

It took 3 years but I'm finally feeling better, i thought you were serious when you told me that you loved me, i stopped believing you after awhile but it didn't help, I fell in love with you the day we met. I was still head over hells for you even though you didn't fell the same way. You did at first but then what happened? you got busier and busier and we drifted apart. I still love you and always will but I think you're right, it's time to move on, leave space in my heart for someone who feels the same way I do. A year ago you said you still loved me but again... I had my doubts, you said you were going to ask me out but you never did, so either you haven't got the balls, or worse, you lied to me... Haven't found that guy yet but now i know it can't be you because I can't be in love with someone who doesn't love me in return. I'll always love you though and will never forget how great it felt when we were together. I'm actually kinda glad that I'm starting to get over you because, heartache is one of the worst pains... It's been over 3 years since i met you and I'm glad I did. I will always love you but now I'm ok with the fact that I'm starting to move on...

And now we wait...

Waiting is one of the things in this world you can't really control, waiting to hear back from an interview, waiting to get that call, or waiting not to hear from them at all. Either way its nerve wracking and out of your control. They say "good things happen to those who wait" but if this true then why is it when you wait so long for that call, and they finally call you only to tell you, they've already filled the position. I guess they don't understand how difficult it can be in this day and age, in this economy, where no one is hiring and so many people are struggling to find a job and struggling to make ends meet. You would think that they would, being working class citizens. Some companies will call you back regardless of whether or not you got the job, maybe its common courtesy, maybe its company policy, either way, its the way it should be. Although only very few companies do that, the others, don't make the effort? or maybe they just don't care? Who knows...